"Don't be afraid, you're already dead"
- Akron/Family.
Listening to this song makes me feel ecstatic.. in a dazed-limbo way. It's calming. It's buttery warm. I might seem a bit pessimistic at times. "Trust issues"? But I think I border onto being a Romantic. I don't have an idealised view of reality.. I just love the ideal world. Imagination. The land of "poesy and fancy". I love the night. Looking up at the sky, it's a limitless dark stretch. I feel small everytime I do. When I was little and my family used to take late-night car rides, I would lie flat in the back seat and look up at the sky, and only the sky. Block out the car walls from my view. Feel the motion of the car sway me lightly. See the sky, and only the sky. I loved the feeling it gave me. If I tried hard, I made myself believe I was walking, not on, but inside the sky. It was beautiful. But a part of that wonderful feeling was a small, chilling fear. I was nothing in this giant fishbowl-universe. I felt more easily forgotten.
It's so good seeing a familiar face. Falling in tune with an old frequency again. I'm so happy I caught up with him, it made me realise that maybe I don't want any ties severed. We did have a connection after all and memories are never to made in vain. Nts: don't forget people so easily.
Glad I made SRC! It's not a huge achievement, but it's something. Time to put some commitment to work.
Found out more about a friend and her experience at camp last summer.. Hm, we all run this race at different a pace but the point is, we all pass the checkpoints. It almost makes me sad that she had to have a disappointing ending. I feel slightly protective over her. No one deserves to feel that way, but like I said.. checkpoints.
It's also interesting knowing someone my age who just gave birth to her son. I don't think I'll want kids until a ripe age.. like the late-20s? I don't want to be tied down early. I also want to make sure I've become the best person I can before I raise a kid. That baby looks beautiful anywho.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
I've noticed that I get sick quite easily
It's not that I want to. Eh, I kind of wish I'd learn not to.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Stupid hooligans
I had to walk home from Linda's house today at 8.30pm because my parents and brothers were at work, and I needed to get home to study and sleep early. I've never done it before so I didn't know what Linda's neighbourhood was like. At first I thought it was nice because it was peaceful. It was also twilight and the wind was light and cool.
But then I started to notice cicada noises left, right and centre. It started to sound pretty gross to me. After a few minutes it started to get darker and it was harder for me to see the streets without my glasses. And then.. this is slightly embarrassing but.. I had a small "encounter" with a bunch of ratty 10-year-old little shits.
And then I almost walked into a spider floating on a web in mid-air in front of me. And I almost walked into some flying-wasp thing.. twice because there were two of them in my path. EUGHHH bugs were EVERYWHERE.
THE BOTTOM LINE is that I had a shit walk.. and those 10-year-olds.. eugh. If I had the balls to, I would have drop kicked him off his bike and flogged him with the spoke of the wheel.
ASDKLJFHSDJHK fucking hell. Never walking along that street again. I wish I had my own personal hovercraft.. that could shoot laser beams at those pre-pubescent assholes.
But then I started to notice cicada noises left, right and centre. It started to sound pretty gross to me. After a few minutes it started to get darker and it was harder for me to see the streets without my glasses. And then.. this is slightly embarrassing but.. I had a small "encounter" with a bunch of ratty 10-year-old little shits.
And then I almost walked into a spider floating on a web in mid-air in front of me. And I almost walked into some flying-wasp thing.. twice because there were two of them in my path. EUGHHH bugs were EVERYWHERE.
THE BOTTOM LINE is that I had a shit walk.. and those 10-year-olds.. eugh. If I had the balls to, I would have drop kicked him off his bike and flogged him with the spoke of the wheel.
ASDKLJFHSDJHK fucking hell. Never walking along that street again. I wish I had my own personal hovercraft.. that could shoot laser beams at those pre-pubescent assholes.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Valentine's e-cards
The worst thing you could get from your Valentine would be an e-card. Especially those already-made ones where the only creative thing you do is insert your lover's name. Or pet-name, if you're feeling extra romantic. I don't know anyone who sends this stuff but I think it's the stupidest thing that ever crossed the internet. It's not okay for ages 12 and up, you should be doing something real. It's not even okay for ages 12 and below.. you're not supposed to be falling in love at that age..
This extremely tacky e-card encompasses most things that put me off them.
<<< TACKY
First of all, there's the teddy bear and heart (or ass) shaped balloons. It's way too generic. Who says your lover likes teddy bears and balloons? Just because she's a "girl" doesn't necessarily mean she does.
This doesn't just apply to e-cards. When a guy likes a girl and immediately thinks to buy her teddy bears, chocolates and balloons for Valentine's, to me it's almost like they're saying:
Hello fellow female earthling. I don't really know you that well, but seeing as you harbour female appendages you must like what the media portrays you to like. Therefore you will love pink fluffy toys and anything heart-shaped that I give you and you will love me and I will be top-dog.
I know a lot of girls are into that kind of stuff, and there's nothing wrong with it. But I just think guys should just remember that we're all individuals and have our own interests, and they should get to know them before jumping to conclusions. I know I'm a bit tired of stuffed toys.. they just sit there in my room looking pretty.
Also those white streaks in the background are a bit random. They're either fireworks coming out of the bear's ass or semen :S
The second thing is that it's an E-CARD. Would a Valentine be so niggardly as to send their lover an electronic greeting card? There isn't even any room to put in your own personal message, whereas a real card would. If you really did love someone, surely $5 on a real card wouldn't put your house on a mortgage.. Or just make your own on Publisher. That might even be better than buying a real card. Just don't get a pre-made card!
That's about it. I'm not complaining about "I love you beary much" though, because I love puns and I think that one's just too good heheheh.
This extremely tacky e-card encompasses most things that put me off them.
<<< TACKY
First of all, there's the teddy bear and heart (or ass) shaped balloons. It's way too generic. Who says your lover likes teddy bears and balloons? Just because she's a "girl" doesn't necessarily mean she does.
This doesn't just apply to e-cards. When a guy likes a girl and immediately thinks to buy her teddy bears, chocolates and balloons for Valentine's, to me it's almost like they're saying:
Hello fellow female earthling. I don't really know you that well, but seeing as you harbour female appendages you must like what the media portrays you to like. Therefore you will love pink fluffy toys and anything heart-shaped that I give you and you will love me and I will be top-dog.
I know a lot of girls are into that kind of stuff, and there's nothing wrong with it. But I just think guys should just remember that we're all individuals and have our own interests, and they should get to know them before jumping to conclusions. I know I'm a bit tired of stuffed toys.. they just sit there in my room looking pretty.
Also those white streaks in the background are a bit random. They're either fireworks coming out of the bear's ass or semen :S
The second thing is that it's an E-CARD. Would a Valentine be so niggardly as to send their lover an electronic greeting card? There isn't even any room to put in your own personal message, whereas a real card would. If you really did love someone, surely $5 on a real card wouldn't put your house on a mortgage.. Or just make your own on Publisher. That might even be better than buying a real card. Just don't get a pre-made card!
That's about it. I'm not complaining about "I love you beary much" though, because I love puns and I think that one's just too good heheheh.
Friday, February 4, 2011
"Sometimes love's intoxicating"
I remember being on the receiving end, back in primary school. Maybe that's why I've become quite callous-hearted now. "Rum", as that facebook game would call me.
For a while now I've been 'indifferent'. I'll have to pay someday and when I do, karma's going to be quite the bitch.
The last one was good, but hid beneath an exterior that sold him short. It's that last one that makes me wonder if I'm a bad person. Cutting, and not having the decency to bury my own work.
For a while now I've been 'indifferent'. I'll have to pay someday and when I do, karma's going to be quite the bitch.
The last one was good, but hid beneath an exterior that sold him short. It's that last one that makes me wonder if I'm a bad person. Cutting, and not having the decency to bury my own work.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Get over her
Ok, I have to get something off my chest right now.. you might think I should be telling this to the actual person, but I already have. And he doesn't listen.
It doesn't matter how long you guys went out for. It doesn't matter that the promises you made to each other now mean nothing.
And it sure as HELL does not matter if she's moving on and hanging out with new boys. In fact, that's what you should be doing too. The moving on part.
Let it GO.
You guys loved once, but now it didn't work out. That's life. If you can't handle this high-school break-up, then how are you going to handle the adult world?
Please, get out of your cesspool of pity. It's almost ridiculous now. I do miss the old you.
It doesn't matter how long you guys went out for. It doesn't matter that the promises you made to each other now mean nothing.
And it sure as HELL does not matter if she's moving on and hanging out with new boys. In fact, that's what you should be doing too. The moving on part.
Let it GO.
You guys loved once, but now it didn't work out. That's life. If you can't handle this high-school break-up, then how are you going to handle the adult world?
Please, get out of your cesspool of pity. It's almost ridiculous now. I do miss the old you.
Time catches everyone
Jessie intro'd me to the song Sandi Thom - Time
I'm turning 18 relatively soon and, looking back, I wish I were more of a risk-taker. I want to think of my childhood and adolescent years as the period of my life where I could really live without any serious obligations or repercussions.
I wish I stepped up to becoming the softball team captain in grade 6. I wish I wagged a bit of classes pre-VCE to do something fun. I wish I went camping more often, slept-over more often, felt that god-lovely adrenalin more often, got scared more often. But no, I wanted to be a good girl and lap up praise from those who wanted me to live a "perfect" stain-free life.
I don't want to sound like an angsty, out-of-control teen-rebel, but I wish I made more mistakes. They would've been more forgivable at that age. And I would harbour those lessons.
Only in my later adolescent years have I really started to push my boundaries. And for that, I am happy. Relieved that I didn't stay in my cloud of ignorance and safety any longer than I already had. It's not solely because of Macrob, but choosing to sit the entrance exam played a huge part in my turning point.
I've started to notice that for each little risk I've taken something opened up - new friendships, a new perspective, a new resolve. It was hard to see at first. But when I did, that's when I fell in love with it.
I haven't learnt to be fearless - I still get scared of changes and anything that's new. I've just learnt to assess the risk, chin-up, subdue the fear and open the door.
I'm turning 18 relatively soon and, looking back, I wish I were more of a risk-taker. I want to think of my childhood and adolescent years as the period of my life where I could really live without any serious obligations or repercussions.
I wish I stepped up to becoming the softball team captain in grade 6. I wish I wagged a bit of classes pre-VCE to do something fun. I wish I went camping more often, slept-over more often, felt that god-lovely adrenalin more often, got scared more often. But no, I wanted to be a good girl and lap up praise from those who wanted me to live a "perfect" stain-free life.
I don't want to sound like an angsty, out-of-control teen-rebel, but I wish I made more mistakes. They would've been more forgivable at that age. And I would harbour those lessons.
Only in my later adolescent years have I really started to push my boundaries. And for that, I am happy. Relieved that I didn't stay in my cloud of ignorance and safety any longer than I already had. It's not solely because of Macrob, but choosing to sit the entrance exam played a huge part in my turning point.
I've started to notice that for each little risk I've taken something opened up - new friendships, a new perspective, a new resolve. It was hard to see at first. But when I did, that's when I fell in love with it.
I haven't learnt to be fearless - I still get scared of changes and anything that's new. I've just learnt to assess the risk, chin-up, subdue the fear and open the door.
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